PORN STAR. The phrase indicates a level of fame and idolization. We get folks following our every move, our every word and every action. We are told we are gorgeous, that everyone wishes they could be us and how HOT everything we do on film is. We are put up on pedestals as physical examples of what everyone should want to look like, be like and act like. Our egos grow, and we feed those egos with fan comments, and invitations to events and people offering you all sorts of things (many guys get caught up in the world of drugs and alcohol and that party atmosphere). What folks forget, is that we are more than that character. There's more to being a porn star than just the party and the public persona. We have insecurities, daily trials and activities and are real people, with real issues...
PORN is a fun roller coaster. But just like a roller coaster it has its ups and downs. First off, most people don't realize that the average porn career is around seven months. Guys get into the industry and either get going, get popular, figure out how to keep it going or they get our quickly. Some realize its not as glamorous in front of the camera as it seems on film, other just decide it's not for them. Those of us that make a career out of it work hard to maintain our popularity, relevancy and level of fame. It's a rough road, and takes a tons of effort and energy. You learn quickly to have a thick skin because just like any entertainment industry, we get negativity and "no's" form all angles. Sometimes you have critical fans that don't like your new scene, hate your tattoos or whatever. That's part of putting yourself out there publicly, you take the good and the bad. Studios will look at you with a critical eye, deciding if you fit their image, if they want to use you, or not. It's nothing personal, but a business decision, but it's hard not to take it personally. We hear just as many no's or negative comments as we do positive comments or congratulations. The hard part is not letting that affect our self worth or self image.
We are IDOLIZED for what we do by some, but VILIFIED by others. I have been told I am the dream date for some folks, and an immoral piece of trash by others. This industry isn't for weak willed, and it can eat a guy alive if you let it. Recently we have lost many super-amazing performers in our industry, and here's part of why I think it happens:
Just like the flavor of the month in an ice cream shop, we are only as popular as our most recently advertised scene. Once the audience moves on to get enamored by the "new guy" our fame fades, and our popularity wanes. This is natural in any industry: mainstream movies, music, fashion, even restaurants will see a huge wave from super famous to has been. Here's the catch. In our industry, there is NO SAFETY NET. As a mainstream actor if I was super famous, then watched my popularity fade, I could usually fall back on other projects, using my place in mainstream movie history to transfer my influence to acting schools, television commercials, or what not. Many will move behind the camera to produce and direct, move to stage productions in smaller cities, etc. In our industry, there's not a big enough market for us all to direct and produce, and there's no option to move our sex skills to another venue.
Because of the TABOO attached to what we do for living, our success in the porn industry can actually be a curse when we decide to move on. It's a very rough moment when you realize that unless you stick with the sex trade and adult industry, there are almost no other markets to which we can transfer our skill set. We are shunned by the majority of regular industries and businesses, as too controversial to touch. While folks love to watch what we do on film at home, publicly most folks are embarrassed to admit it and not willing to risk associating their business with a porn star and thus our options for career growth are limited.
So guys end up frustrated, with no career path, and a quickly dissipating fan base. Fading away when you are used to being idolized and famous can ruin a guy's self worth and self confidence. It can drop you down into depression and feeling abandoned and alone. Without a quality support group in place, that downward spiral can be unstoppable. It's already happened to me some. I've been in the industry for just over a year, celebrating my one year anniversary in February. In this short amount of time I've see it happen as well. Some studios aren't enthusiastic about using me now, because I've filmed with them so much. I don't fit other studios demographic as I'm turning 39 this year and the research shows their best selling porn typically shows guys younger than me. I don't fault them for their thinking on either point, as they are in the business to make money and you have to provide what the customer wants or you go out of business. I don't fault the consumers either for having tastes that may not fit my physicality. My task has been to continue to film and see how my career can evolve. I'm making opportunities as I can, including recording music (first vocal singles to be released soon!), trying to break into mainstream acting and reality TV shows, starting to throw bar and club events as a promoter, and have recently signed a book deal to launch an entire line of gay erotica! And, while I'm creating opportunities for myself, many guys aren't as "entrepreneurially minded," and can't force these career moves to appear. So the question is, what are these guys to do when its time to move on from porn?
How do we help guys adjust from idol and superstar back to just another guy making it the best way they can? Do we blame society for not being more accepting of the sex trade? What can we do to put better support groups in place so guys feel they have folks to talk to about their issues, and give a hand when we hit our low points? I don't know the answer. I wish I did.
Monday, March 11, 2013
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